Happy Father’s Day

Father’s Day can be hard for me. It brings mixed feelings because I have a complex relationship with my dad…

This is a deeply personal story that I won’t share here, but to all of those with complex relationships with their father… I see you. I’m sending you love…

My relationship with my dad wasn’t always this way….

No, this complexity is new for me. There is trauma there. It blind sided me a few years ago, and I am still recovering.

I love my dad… but it’s bittersweet…

I love my dad… but I also hold anger.

I love my dad… but he also hurt me; my family.

My dad is not perfect… but neither am I.

I have anger towards my dad… but I also have deep empathy.

I can have good times with my dad… but I am still haunted by the past.

I try my best to understand… but sometimes it feels impossible.

I don’t know if my relationship with my dad will ever be the same… and I think that’s what hurts me the most.

I am trying to move forward, but it’s a slow pace. Sometimes I regress. Sometimes I feel guilty. Sometimes I wish I was stronger.

I have forgiven my dad… but I am still healing.

Rebuilding trust is hard… like really hard.

I chose to forgive my dad, not because it was easier – in fact for me it was much harder – but because I believe in him.

I believe in the father he was. I know in my heart that he loves me and my brothers and my mom. I know that he was a good dad. I know he was there for us.

I know it was all real.

Some days are easier than others. Some days are much harder. But nothing good is ever easy.

Happy Father’s Day Dad.